The Dilemmas of a Working Mother

One of the biggest heartaches as a working mother is when you share the “Mama” title with the babysitter. It was an emotionally uplifting moment when my chubby little cherub, a mere 7 months old, held out her pudgy little hands and called me “Mama”. I gave her a giant squeeze; she giggled, and relished the new word formation her tongue had mastered. And then the babysitter informs me she calls her “Mama” too. I cringe and morph into the green-eyed monster. She is my baby, I carried her for 9 months, I am paying you for looking after her. I am the real Mama!

But then logic kicks in. It’s bubby who has got it wrong, not the babysitter. For her, the word “Mama” must refer to the woman who feeds her, changes her dirty nappies, and puts her to bed (a normal cycle in the life of a wee baby). And to hear I share the “Mama” badge with babysitter must mean she is doing a pretty ok job.

My own mother gave up her career in teaching and raised three children at home sans babysitters or any domestic help. We used to come home from school to a warm lunch on the table in the company of family. My little girl goes to the babysitter. I made her lunch the night before, and the babysitter warms it up for her now. She eats and plays with a group of toddlers there, and they all wait past 6 for their respective mummies and daddies to finally take them home.

I am not saying I had it better than my daughter, but they say our early social interactions shape the adult we become in later years. In this case, it would be easy to conclude that my daughter will be more of a social butterfly than I am. I can see traits of this already. I was a shy child, but she happily goes off with strangers. She is also a little bully and has little boys under her control. But will this make her less attached to family? I worry about that, and this makes me do bad things like spoiling her to bits.

Her toy boxes are over-stuffed, she gets to eat chocolate almost every day, and she gets to be breast-fed beyond the median age. I give in to her tantrums. I am turning into the mother I promised I wouldn’t be.

Perhaps a part of me feels guilty for not being with her most of the day, but giving up my career was not an option. Money is not the issue; my husband works full-time and we can get by comfortably on what he brings home. But I have worked hard to get where I am today. You earn your degree in college, but the hard knocks of the real workforce teach you more. I enjoy what I do, and more importantly, it keeps my grey cells active. I cannot fathom how women can be at home all day serving a baby 24/7. It can take its toll, so perhaps my office is actually a sanctuary from mundane mummy duties. I turn into “Mama” after 6.

The added income doesn’t hurt either. It means we can afford better schooling for bubby, save up for her future, and buy her prettier things. And Mama gets to do more retail therapy to keep her motivated at juggling both jobs.

As my child is growing older and conversing more, I make the most of my time with her. I limit TV time and play with her. We sing nursery rhymes together and laugh at silly cartoons. I let her watch me cook and let her do simple things around the house to make her feel important. I take her for a walk and we point out interesting things to each other. I treasure these moments. And around her first birthday, she started reserving the “Mama” tag solely for me!

Children grow up far too quickly, and there’s something magical about every stage. I feel warm and fuzzy remembering the day we first met in the delivery room, a tiny bundle wrapped in sterilized white, big inquisitive eyes staring at the new world around her. I had promised to be there for her always; her guardian, her guide, her mother. Life will throw difficult choices our way now and then, but being a working mother should not be a taboo. Sure a stay-at-home mother has her perks (being there to watch her child every step, taking power naps when bubby is snoozing), but I have chosen to work, to have more financial flexibility for my child's future, and to give her a more intelectually stimulated mother. I am confident my daughter will understand the reasons behind my choice and look at the silver lining.

- Big Sis.